Changing Lenses: See Your Worth, Be Your Self, Live Your Life!
Hi 👋🏼 I’m Rosie, Un-Executive Coach™ at the intersection of race, gender, and trauma. I’m dedicated to helping Asian and racialized women heal from the past and find hope for the future. My culturally relevant leadership coaching can help you succeed on your own terms and recover from toxic shame, covert racism, and other non-obvious traumas. Do you crave judgment-free support that's less executive, more equitable, and always empathetic? Subscribe and receive free trauma-informed tips to Change Your Lens, See Your Worth, and Be Your Self!
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Hiding Hello Kitty: Masking my Cuteness and Authenticity at Work
Published 26 days ago • 7 min read
Hi Reader!
You may or may not know this about me, but…I like cute things. Like this.
And it’s not just me — in fact, there’s lots of research on why human beings are drawn to cuteness. (TL;DR — it activates our happiness hormones and ensures the survival of our species.)
But my childhood joy from My Melody, Hello Kitty, Little Twin Star etc. was blocked by the need to fit in and assimilate. Which meant I simultaneously loved these cutesy things, and was ashamed of loving them.
Waaay back in the 80’s, the only kids I remember using Doraemon pencils were other Asian immigrants. Sanrio wasn’t a brand name in Canada, and you could only find their products in Chinatown stores.
So while it felt normal using Pochacco to write my tests in Chinese school, I didn’t really consider it for “regular” school until I was much older.
Of course, the older I got, the less cool it was to use cutesy things and wear cutesy clothes. Especially since I was half as tall as the white kids, and looked half my age. (Remember when we were so young that we wanted to be older? Ah, those were the days!)
And at work? Forget it! I don’t think HR explicitly forbade Hello Kitty dresses, but it was well understood that it’d be a career limiting move. My “authentic self” likes pastel colours and soft, loose clothing, but I gave those up for dark, stiff, dry-clean-only suits so that I could look “professional” and be taken seriously.
I could go on and on about the patriarchy and inequity of work clothes, but clothing isn’t the main topic of this month’s newsletter.
Cutesyness isn’t either, believe it or not.
Because what we wear and what we like are parts of our authentic selves, our personalities, our identities. The question is, when is it acceptable to show our authentic parts to others without stigma and judgment? And what happens to us when it isn’t acceptable, and we have to mask who we really are?
"Hello Kitty Mask" fine art print, by Savanna Ganucheau, inprnt.com
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Masking is hiding or suppressing something about ourselves — emotions, personality traits, behaviours, or symptoms — from others. It’s a coping mechanism used to stay safe, hide in plain sight or ‘fit in,’ and we may even do it without being aware of it.
— Canadian Mental Health Association
#UnMaskingMentalHealth was the theme for 2025’s Mental Health Week, because:
“Living with mental health challenges often forces people to hide behind a ‘mask’…we’re encouraging people across Canada to look beyond the surface and see the whole person.”
OK, sure. I can get behind that sentiment.
But here’s the thing: mental illness itself can result from psychological unsafety and the masking required to survive it.
So while masking mental illness is absolutely a problem, I think it’s equally important to recognize additional layers of masking that cause or compound mental illness and trauma, such as:
Staying silent about your accomplishments because your parents taught you to never compliment yourself, you must wait for others to compliment you;
Bleaching/tanning your skin, or straightening/perming your hair (and ruining it as a result), to conform to social beauty standards which aren’t racially yours;
Forcing yourself to “lean in” and “speak up” when your brain and body are screaming at you to “step back” and “stay small”.
These are just a few examples of many, many ways people feel forced to mask parts of their race, ethnicity, culture, sexual orientation, gender, religious beliefs, ethics, values, or just their personal preferences. Have you ever told someone you love a certain food, only to be told how much they hate it? Masking becomes mandatory when it’s a choice between denying our authenticity, or denying social connection (”attachment”) — meaning, it’s no choice at all.
“…authenticity is not some abstract aspiration, no mere luxury…it is a drive rooted in survival instincts. Authenticity’s only dictate is that we, not externally imposed expectations, be the true author and authority on our own life.
“What happens if our needs for attachment are imperiled by our authenticity, our connection to what we truly feel?…Although both needs are essential, there is a pecking order: in the first phase of life, attachment unfailingly tops the bill… If the choice is between ‘hiding my feelings, even from myself, and getting the basic care I need’ and ‘being myself and going without’, I’m going to pick that first option every single time.
“As these patterns get wired into our nervous system, the perceived need to be what the world demands becomes entangled with our sense of who we are and how to seek love.”
While we may not be “seeking love” at work (no judgment!), our human needs to be liked (attachment), to be right (competence), and to be real (authenticity) are very much present. So how do we balance these needs when work rejects our authentic parts?
It’s obviously different for each of us, so I’ll just share two things that helped me:
1. Figuring out what makes me happy…no matter what “they say”.
I believed for a long time that cutesy things were childish, immature, and unprofessional — so much so that I didn’t realize how much they made me happy. It’s not that I depended on them to be happy, but they did make my dreary days a little bit brighter.
Unfortunately, the judgmental messages from even my closest friends disconnected me from my knowing true self.
It wasn’t until Asian immigration made Asian culture and Kawaii more mainstream that the stigma started to wear off, at least in my mind. And the rise of YouTube and Instagram made cat videos more popular and accessible.
As the barriers came down, my natural preferences came out. It wasn’t the only thing that helped me access my authentic joy, but it certainly had a big impact.
And my trauma healing and self-decolonization helped me to accept that cuteness was OK, no matter what “they say”.
2. Realizing I’m not “unprofessional” just because whiteness/ patriarchy says I am.
I used to put so much pressure on myself to over-perform and be the perfect everything: perfect staff, perfect manager, perfect leader, perfect executive. I believed I had to meet the standards set by my bosses and even my family and friends.
Until I realized…
These standards and performance expectations are steeped in whiteness, patriarchy, and capitalist extraction.
What’s deemed “professional” are things like business suits, Montblanc pens, and leather portfolios. But these were created literally centuries ago and standardized as “executive” by white Euro-American men with power and privilege.
If I wear a pink Hello Kitty sweatshirt to work (which I’ve never done actually), I’m not any less competent, intelligent, or articulate.
In other words, I’m not the problem — the system is.
Working from home as my own boss has been really good for my mental health, because:
I had my cat with me all the time;
I could wear whatever I want; and
I could do whatever I needed to manage my stress without worrying about my “executive presence”.
[Before & after photos: (L) me in a business suit. (R) me in Hello Kitty sweatshirt.]
Reader, what makes you happy?
I know not everyone has the privilege of working from home and setting their own dress code. You may have to “mask” for work by conforming to whatever standards they set for you. Maybe you don’t care about dress codes and cuteness either, which is totally cool.
What does make you happy? Is there anything you’ve had to “mask” to survive and succeed at work that you wish you didn’t?
We all need to do what we all need to do, and there’s no judgment here on what those things are.
You probably can’t “do you” and “be you” (the real you) all the time, especially at work.
But whenever you can, in whatever ways that matter to you — I hope you will do what makes you happy, without feeling selfish, ashamed, or embarrassed.
Because being authentically you isn’t selfish, it’s a biological need you have as a human.
In my research for this newsletter, I learned how the business suit is discriminatory beyond the workplace. This article from PBS describe the fashionable Zoot Suit worn by Black and Brown Americans, and the racism linked with it — including the Zoot Suit race riots in 1943.
I’ve recently discovered some “cutesy” self-care resources which have helped me be happier and more productive in my work and life. Here’s one of them, if you enjoy these types of resources too! (I’m not affiliated with this nor do I get any benefits/money from sharing.)
Not only do I like their music, I love their affirmation captions which speak to my perfectionism and manic drive to do too much. Like this one:
Screenshot from one of their music videos entitled: "You don’t have to fix everything tonight."
The content in this newsletter is not intended as a replacement for, nor should it be construed as, counselling, therapy, psychiatric interventions, treatment for mental illness, or professional medical advice. It is shared for your consideration and informational purposes only, please read with judgment and discernment. If you need help in an emergency or are currently in crisis, please: 1) visit your local emergency department or call 911; or 2) contact a distress center near you.
Changing Lenses: See Your Worth, Be Your Self, Live Your Life!
by Rosie Yeung
Hi 👋🏼 I’m Rosie, Un-Executive Coach™ at the intersection of race, gender, and trauma. I’m dedicated to helping Asian and racialized women heal from the past and find hope for the future. My culturally relevant leadership coaching can help you succeed on your own terms and recover from toxic shame, covert racism, and other non-obvious traumas. Do you crave judgment-free support that's less executive, more equitable, and always empathetic? Subscribe and receive free trauma-informed tips to Change Your Lens, See Your Worth, and Be Your Self!
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